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The 4 Worst People in Romantic Comedies

By Kyle Sutherland, Egwyl Editor

Romantic comedy is a key factor in the immensely pointless day which is Valentines, not so much per-se for couples, they’ve got contrived romantic nonsense to go through on the most holiest day in the Clinton’s and Hallmark calendar. No, these are for sad sacks like me to pop in, drink a box of wine and dream of the day our ship will come in.

But, as gushed over as these films are, many of the characters in them are actually horrible people, and considering I’ve already taken stabs at Star Wars, Harry Potter and even Friends (seriously, Kyle’s brain? Friggin Friends? You don’t love yourself) it makes perfect sense to me to take a whack at ruining romance, so here we go, these are the four characters in romantic comedies who are just the worst.

  1. Henry Roth (Adam Sandler) 50 first dates, 2004

Honestly, I don’t know why I even bothered giving this characters’ name, it’s an Adam Sandler movie, so basically just Adam Sandler playing Adam Sandler (not that there’s anything wrong with that Billy Madison for life y’all!).

Ok, so in this one, Sandler meets what appears to be his ideal woman, portrayed here by Drew Barrymore, now that’s a match made in heaven given the massive on-screen chemistry these two showed in their earlier pairing in the classic Wedding Singer.

So, what’s the problem? Well, Barrymore has a condition where she forgets everything at the end of each day, so Sandler spends the bulk of the film meeting her for the first time each new day and wooing her until she falls in love with him (hence the title).

Romantic? No!

No, really, it’s not.

It’s romantic right up until Barrymore says she wants to end the relationship to spare Sandler the need to abandon his dreams, how does he respond? He literally tells her that none of that matters because she’ll forget everything the next day. That’s awful, he’s essentially saying what you want doesn’t matter.

Sure, the two of them end up together in the end, but really put yourself in Barrymores’ shoes for that end scene. You wake up in a strange bed, on a boat, in the middle of the Arctic, then you go up top and are told hey I’m your husband, also here’s your daughter, yay! Imagine that being your life every day, this film is horrifying.

  1. Mark (Andrew Lincoln) Love Actually, 2003

This character is just a stone cold douchebag. Now I’m aware that Alan Rickman is also a horrible person in this film, but he’s Alan Rickman, and I will forgive him anything, he could have literally eaten a puppy on screen and he’d still be awesome to me, but no this guy Mark is just the worst.

What’s Marks’ problem? He fancies his best mates new wife.

Not a big deal on its own, but then she finds out after seeing that his video of the wedding is entirely made up of footage of her (like, seriously, what was he going to do with that? Freaky perverted malarkey no doubt).

Ok, so this is embarrassing, I’d go as far as to say mortifying, Rick and Mortyfying (nailed it) but not the end of the world, it’s simple she goes on with the husband she loves and he goes on with his sad, unfulfilled life like the rest of us second choices (remember this was before Andrew Lincoln became Rick Grimes and all the nerd girls wanted a piece of that).

But no, he has to go and show up at her doorstep, whilst her husband, his best friend sits in the next room, convinces her to lie about who it is and then proclaims his love for her leading to her kissing him as he leaves.

Ok, guys, Rick Grimes just killed a marriage, seriously, how long before she becomes consumed by guilt and admits to her husband what happened? Imagine the pain that revelation would cause, he was this guys’ best man, I mean damnit, Mark, you had one job!

  1. Sam Coulson (Michael Vartan) Never been kissed, 1999

Wow, another Barrymore film and still it’s not her, that’s the measure of a great actress kids.

Ok, so in this flick Drew’s a former geek now super-hot journalist who’s never had a certain something… can you guess what it is?

Yes, that’s right, she’s never done crack, coz that’s a fools game kids, egwyl out… oh and also she’s never been kissed.

Ok, this plot’s rather forgettable but Barrymore goes undercover at a high school posing as a student so she can write a piece helping parents understand their kids better, or something, whatever who cares?

While there she eventually falls in love with English teacher, Sam Coulson, and it all ends up lovely and they kiss at the end in-front of everyone and the crowds cheer and all is well.

Except for the fact that this school has a potential paedophile on its staff.

That’s right, for the majority of the film Coulson doesn’t know that she’s an adult whilst he lusts over her, this is a film about a paedophile, working in a school who essentially got lucky, he’s one fire and a knife glove off being Freddy Krueger.

  1. Jim (Jason Biggs) American Pie, 1999

Ok, so I may be cheating a bit with this one as to whether or not this is actually a romantic comedy, but I think it qualifies so I’m putting it in.

Jim’s the lovable goof, the guy who’s so awkward he just can’t catch a break with the girls, but I think we can all agree ultimately a good guy right?

Except for the time he broadcasts video of a girl who trusted him, naked, to the whole school and has her thrown out of the country as a result.

Ah yes the scene which made Shannon Elisabeth a top Google search for years to come, wherein the foreign hotty Nadia asks Jim to tutor her and he chooses to film her changing for him and his friends to, what, circle jerk over or something? Dude that’s disgusting.

Also, massively horrible. Think about it, this girl trusted him, in fact I’d say that when you agree to help someone with their school work there exists an implied social contract that you will not secretly film them undressing and share that footage with the entire school, sure Jim didn’t mean to share the video with that many people but that doesn’t change the creepiness of his actions. If he lived in the UK today he’d go to jail for this. Not to mention the fact that Nadia is sent back to Europe because of this, why? She’s the Goddamn victim here and we’re supposed to buy that she wants to hook up with Jim in the second film? She should want him dead! Instead she’s all “oh Jim, i love you so much for no reason at all, in fact i should hate you, but the script, sadly it is… what is the word in your country? oh yes badly written”.

Also dude totally put his junk in a pie… sicko how dare you violate pie like that!? The sanctity of pie is to be respected at all times!

 

 

 

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